Know How I Know You're Gay?

Because you are under the mistaken impression that Ninjas could beat Pirates.

Man, that is so gay.

A Pirate would hand a Ninja his own Ninja ass.

Know How I know You're Gay?

Because you bought some ridiculous orange sleeve for your new Mac, you gay bufter, you.

Know how I know you're gay?

You always end the weekend feeling Haggard.

Know How I Know You're Gay?

You think Dido is the GREATEST. Especially her hair-do... it's so kicky! And you're such a fan, you actually know her full name... not just the "Dido" part. And you know how to spell it, too! It's "Dido Florian Cloud de Bounevialle Armstrong", thank you very much. Her mother was a poet, you know, that's why it's such a poetic name. And she really does seem regal, too, don't you think? Just like the Carthaginian queen she was named after. Well, her first name, anyway. Although you've always thought the "Cloud" part of her name was very appropriate, too, since she's so wispy and vapour-ish, just like a cloud. Isn't she just the greatest? You wish she and you were best girlfriends, and you know that you would be, if she would only answer the five or six emails you send her each day. And no, it's not like stalking or anything, just because you waited outside her hotel for three days when she was in town last month. And you've got to go now, so you can update your fan website All Dido .

Know How I Know You Guys Are Gay?

Because while I've been out of town (and Internet contact) for a week, you guys have not stopped playing the "Know How I Know You're Gay" game.

Know how I know you're gay?

Because when you sing "It's raining men" it actually rains.

Know how I know you're all gay?

Because homophobia is overcompensation.

Know How I Know You're A Poof?

Because you went trolling for anus in Chengdu.

Want to Know How I Know You're Gay?

That Goatse tattoo you're so proud of.

You Know How I Know You're Gay?

That bead of perspiration that forms on your upper lip when you watch Brad Pitt in "A River Runs Through It."

Know How I Know You're Gay?

Because you always manage to match your lip gloss with the color of your nail polish.

Know How I Know You're Gay?

Because your breath smells like my ass.

Know How I Know You're Gay?

You've got a signed photograph of George Takei hanging on the wall beside your bed, inscribed "Warp factor felch! Love, Sulu".

How Do I Know You're Gay?

You think Margaret Cho is funny.

You Know How I Know You're Gay?

Your Chapstick is cock-flavored.

Know How I Know You're Gay?

You send me text messages late at night when I'm in bed with my girlfriend, trying to entice me to join you in your gay lifestyle.

Know How Everyone Knows You're Gay?

Because your email address is "XYZ@ImAGayHomosexual.Com".

You Know How I Know You're Gay?

You gave me a reach-around when you mounted me.

Know How I Know You're Gay?

Two words: Amateur Theatricals.

You Know How I Know You're Gay?

You buy cards with cute puppies and gnomes on them.

You Know How The Whole "Know How I Know You're Gay?" Thing Started...?

From "The 40-Year-Old Virgin":

(Cal) So you're gay, now?
             
(David) No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate.

(Cal) I think... I mean, that sounds gay.
I just want you to know that this is the first conversation of three conversations
that leads to you being gay. There's this... and then in a year it's like, "You
know... I'm kind of going to wanna get back out there, but I think I like guys."
And then there's the big, "I'm a gay guy now."

(David) You're gay for saying that.

(Cal) I'm gay for saying that? 

(David) You know how I know you're gay?

(Cal) How? How do you know I'm gay?
             
(David) 'Cause you macraméd yourself a pair of jean shorts.

(Cal) You know how I know you're gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with
women anymore.
             
(David) You know how I know you're gay?

(Cal) How? 'Cause you're gay and you can tell who other gay people are?

(David) Do you know how I know you're gay?

(Cal) How?
             
(David) You like Coldplay.

You know how I know that you're gay?

(Cal) How?

(David) You like the movie "Maid in Manhattan".

(Cal) You know how I know *you're* gay?

(David) How?

(Cal) I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sour dough bread once.

(David) You know how I know that you're gay?

(Cal) How?

(David) You have a rainbow bumpersticker on your car that says "I love it
when *balls* are in my face".

(Cal) That's *gay*?